The Guts of a Family

Siblings (n.): two or more people with the same parents; those people in our immediate family whom we think of as peers; brothers and sisters. They flank us in birth order, haunt our privacy, insert their wisdom unbidden, taunt our vulnerabilities, and watch our backs. Because they know the subtle chinks in our armor, siblings have the power to infuriate us as well as defend us. They love us, humor us, humble us, support us, drive us to the brink of our sanity, and yank us back from the edge lest we fall. They are our friends, mentors, devil’s advocates, cheerleaders, critics, confidantes, and comrades. No one can hurt us like they can, but no one can make us laugh harder or feel more loved, appreciated, and whole. The sibling relationships in our family constitute a long list.

Visiting family in Kinder.

Circa. 1934

Not only were they close in age, Jennetta was just three years older than Louis, but close in spirit as well. Because of Louis’ death at nineteen, their time together was short, but their relationship is remembered as close and supportive. Their interests were different, Louis loved and excelled in sports while Jennetta preferred sewing, but they both liked to dance together when the family went to community dances. While they lived in Louisiana, Louis was taught by the old men sitting outside the entrance to the general store to dance a jig while they played music. Jennetta long remembered seeing him, at five years old, trying to keep his feet going for as long as the fiddlers picked. In Oregon, Louis taught Jennetta to swim on family picnics to the lake, but she had a hard time conquering her fear of the water. Later, when Louis became mentally ill, at about eighteen, from constant ear infections and began having violent episodes, it was his sister who, as his closest living relative, had to sign the papers to have him institutionalized. Sitting across the table from him and having him smile over at her made it the hardest moment in her life.

William, far left; Letha (black jacket) & Marvin, right.

Marvin was the youngest of his siblings, Letha was the oldest and William was in the middle. With about 12 years difference in their ages, Marvin often said that sometimes Letha was more like a mother to him than a sister as he was growing up. When he was in the third or fourth grade, at Helix Elementary, Letha was his teacher and she sadly told him at the end of the year that she needed to hold him back so that she wouldn’t be accused of favoritism. He was never sure if that explanation was true or just an invention to make him feel better. Bill, who lived with his wife and three children in Pendleton, died of a heart attack in his forties, but Letha and her husband, Bud, eventually came to live in the same town in which Marvin and Jennetta had settled and their connection remained strong for the rest of their lives.

Betty and Dick, who were two years apart in age, looked out for one another in adulthood as they had in childhood.

K-Kids, Generation 1

Because Vern was eight years older than Clyde, they came to know each other best in their adulthood.

Taken in K-Falls

Circa. 1960

Circa. 2000

Coletta and I are 14 1/2 years apart. She was in high school when I was born, but instead of being embarrassed by my birth, she was excited to the point of annoyance to everyone else. Mom often lamented that most of my baby pictures have the back of her head blocking my face. She was reluctant to let anyone else hold me and whispered to Mom and Dad that Mamoo, my sweet grandmother, might drop me. Mamoo chuckled, Mom and Dad did not. We grew up almost separately, but our kinship stayed in tact because our small family came together so regularly. Although I often rebelled against her tight hold, and we are sometimes more different than alike, we stay connected. I cannot image life without such unconditional love.

Circa. 1961

K-Kids generation 2. Circa. August 2009

These siblings have too many stories to tell in one sitting. They involve sitting in a bucket, climbing onto the roof, a smoking apple tree, paper delivery, lawn mowing and bottle collecting enterprises, making a huge chocolate chip cookie for Dad, a broken windshield, Killer Slap Jack, sneaking in the playroom door at night, trips to Mt. Angel, birthdays at the beach, discovering beautiful pebbles in Grandpa's driveway, rolling backwards at the dump, and cutting off a very long hair braid.

3rd generation of K-Kids.

A new generation of siblings who are friends and making time to be together. (November, 2008)